I know you are weary
Stumbling left, and then right
Thinking your’s was the ending of tragedy
It becomes exhausting
When you realize that you are going to have to keep walking
It wasn’t supposed to be this difficult
I mean you, you took the easy route, right?
This notion of hyper-consent neglects to address the issues we have in this country, and many others, of establishing and upholding boundaries. This is everyone’s responsibility. You don’t have to say no, but say no if you mean no. People can’t be expected to cater to your inability to articulate, and we should be teaching our children and each other how to do so. We have this populous that is often docile and apathetic. When something is wrong it is not enough to make a youtube video to tell people that they are being bad. Look beyond consent in a sexual context. When a police officer abuses his power and you do nothing to establish your boundaries, you contribute. You are also responsible. It’s not victim blaming. It’s pragmatic and it’s the reality that we live in.
When I was about 6, just before lunch, on a camping trip with my grandparents, if by camping you mean staying in a rental RV at a RV park/campsite chain, my grandmother asked me a very simple question. I mean the question was simple; the intent was a little more complicated. She asked me if I had finished cleaning up my toys. You see, whatever we were doing next couldn’t happen until my toys were picked up, and I was ready to be doing something else. I’ve always been ready to do something. So, yes. I said that I had picked up my toys. Are you sure? I can only be asked the same question so many times before that rage inside me starts to build, and I think she must have asked me twice that many on that day. I hadn’t learned the F word yet, but yes I was fucking sure, and now can you shut the fuck up?
The next thing I remember was several hours later, just before dinner. I saw a child playing with a toy. A toy fighter jet/robot. In seeing this familiar object I felt it necessary to search for my own. My Starscream Transformer, probably a birthday present from a couple months prior, my favorite toy. But it wasn’t anywhere to be found. Things were starting to be clear. Are you sure? What a menacing question, when put like that. Her deceit.
i’ve never been good with words and if there’s been any theme to my collection of failed relationships it’s been this point of contention someone simply needing to hear me tell them how i feel and my simple inability to do so
conclusion i am emotionless unable to make connections with people and on the off chance they are made i can’t maintain them